Metal Forks

So I have a question: what is wrong with allowing mature teenagers to use metal utensils when they consume their midday meal? Honestly, why do we always have to use plastic forks, spoons, and knives (what a joke)? I mean, it's one thing to eat outdoors at a picnic complete with plastic silverware, but in the cafeteria? I guess it just goes along with the theme of FAKE! The food is fake and therefore we need fake forks? The only problem with this hole free philosophy is that the food is so fake that you can't cut it. The fork breaks before your food does. And that, I have to say, is completely depressing. And if you are of a cleanlier nature and avoid touching food at all costs, then you are toast. It is completely impossible to cut any of the food into bite size pieces that will fit in your mouth without spilling crumby stuff all over yourself.

And why, you may ask, do these horrible people not let us have metal things with which to cut our food like normal human beings? *Drum roll please* Because, we will use them as weapons. Yeah. Okay, well I can kind of see where they get this idea, because when fights break out in the cafeteria and girls will use their nails and pull out hair, it may not be a good idea to have a pile of metal forks just screaming, "Use me to stab her!" But honestly, because a few people are immature I am forced to use my hands to split food or risk breaking the thing? I don't like the idea at all.

But you see, that's not even the worst part. The ultimate gut puncher is that in elementary school, WE WERE ALLOWED TO HAVE METAL FORKS! Isn't that great? When you are six years old and can barely write your name, you are still allowed more privileges than a seventeen year old? Come on. That is insane.